Families make everything better

Earlier this year in Mrs. Caffeys third hour, we had a brief discussion about marriage. I was shocked to hear some of the comments that were made. One comment that shocked me went something like this, “I don’t want to get married because I have seen how unhappy my parents were when they were together.” This truly amazed me because I had never thought about the negative side of marriage like that. I must be extremely lucky because my parents love each other enough to overcome their differences and compromise and love each other even when they disagree. In fact, the times that my parents were the unhappy is when they are separated.
I believe that families are the most basic and the most important unit of society. But that unit is deteriorating in time. M Russell Ballard, one of the leaders of the LDS church is a great speaker and I could never express my feelings about the subject better than he did in his talk That the Lost May be Found. He said,” Being lost can apply to whole societies as well as to individuals. Today we live in a time when much of this world has lost its way, particularly with regard to values and priorities within our homes.
One hundred years ago, President Joseph F. Smith connected happiness directly to the family and admonished us to focus our efforts there. He said: ‘There can be no genuine happiness separate and apart from the home. … There is no happiness without service, and there is no service greater than that which converts the home into a divine institution, and which promotes and preserves family life.’
It is our homes and families that need reforming in this increasingly materialistic and secular world. A stunning example is the growing disregard for marriage here in the United States. Earlier this year the New York Times reported that ‘the share of children born to unmarried women has crossed a threshold: more than half of births to American women under 30 occur outside marriage.’
We also know that among couples in the United States who do marry, nearly half get divorced. Even those who stay married often lose their way by letting other things interfere with their family relationships.
Equally worrisome is the ever-growing gap between the rich and poor and between those who strive to preserve family values and commitments and those who have given up on doing so. Statistically, those who have less education and consequently lower incomes are less likely to marry and to go to church and much more likely to be involved in crime and to have children outside of marriage. And these trends are also troubling in much of the rest of the world.
Opposite of what many had thought, prosperity and education seem to be connected to a higher likelihood of having traditional families and values.
The real question, of course, is about cause and effect. Do some sectors of our society have stronger values and families because they are more educated and prosperous, or are they more educated and prosperous because they have values and strong families? In this worldwide Church we know that it is the latter. When people make family and religious commitments to gospel principles, they begin to do better spiritually and often temporally as well.
And, of course, societies at large are strengthened as families grow stronger. Commitments to family and values are the basic cause. Nearly everything else is effect. When couples marry and make commitments to each other, they greatly increase their chances of economic well-being. When children are born in wedlock and have both a mom and a dad, their opportunities and their likelihood of occupational success skyrocket. And when families work and play together, neighborhoods and communities flourish, economies improve, and less government and fewer costly safety nets are required.
So the bad news is that family breakdown is causing a host of societal and economic ills. But the good news is that, like any cause and effect, those ills can be reversed if what is causing them is changed. Inequities are resolved by living correct principles and values. Brothers and sisters, the most important cause of our lifetime is our families. If we will devote ourselves to this cause, we will improve every other aspect of our lives and will become, as a people and as a church, an example and a beacon for all peoples of the earth.
But this is not easy in a world where hearts are turning in many directions and where the whole planet seems to be constantly moving and changing at a pace never before imagined. Nothing stays the same for long. Styles, trends, fads, political correctness, and even perceptions of right and wrong shift and move. As the prophet Isaiah predicted, wrong is portrayed as right and right as wrong.
The spiritual divide gets even wider as evil becomes ever more deceptive and subtle and pulls people toward it like a dark magnet—even as the gospel of truth and light attracts the honest in heart and the honorable of the earth, who seek what is moral and good….
The Church stands as an example of heart turning and as a catalyst for good in the world. Among Church members who are married in the temple and who regularly attend Sunday meetings, the divorce rate is significantly less than that of the world, and families remain closer and are in more frequent communication. The health in our families is better, and we live several years longer than the population average. We contribute more financial resources and more service per capita to those in need, and we are more likely to seek higher education. I point out these things not to boast but to testify that life is better (and much happier) as hearts turn toward family and as families live in the light of the gospel of Christ.
So what can we do to not become lost? First, may I suggest that we prioritize. Put everything you do outside the home in subjection to and in support of what happens inside your home. Remember President Harold B. Lee’s counsel that ‘the most important … work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own homes’
Second, we need to do things in the right order! Marriage first and then family. Too many in the world have forgotten this natural order of things and think they can change it or even reverse it. Remove any of your fear with faith. Trust the power of God to guide you.
And to you young women, I would add that you must also not lose sight of this responsibility. No career can bring you as much fulfillment as rearing a family. And when you are my age, you will realize this even more.
Third, husbands and wives, you should be equal partners in your marriage. …No one owns a spouse or children; God is the Father of us all and has extended to us the privilege of our own family, which was previously only His, to help us become more like Him. As His children we should learn at home to love God and to know that we can ask Him for the help we need. Everyone, married or single, can be happy and supportive within whatever family you may have.
Now, if for any reason you individually or as a family have lost your way, then you need only apply the Savior’s teachings from Luke, chapter 15, to correct your course. Here the Savior tells of the effort of a shepherd searching for his lost sheep, of a woman searching for a lost coin, and of the welcome received by the prodigal son returning home. Why did Jesus teach these parables? He wanted us to know that none of us will ever be so lost that we cannot find our way again through His Atonement and His teachings.”
I hope that those of you who had negative feelings toward marriage feel differently. I am not saying that I am going to get married a.s.a.p. That is the last thing on my mind right now. But it definitely is one of my distant goals.
I love my family and I hope that each of you love your families, or will learn to love your families as I do.

Happiness is Success

One of my earlier blogs, I stated a quote by Thomas Monson that read, “We can't direct the wind but we can adjust the sail.” Your situation might be horrific but your reaction to the difficulties can rotate you 360 degrees. Did you catch that? 360 degrees will take you in a full circle and you would end up right where you began. Your reaction can turn you 180 degrees and your problems are gone.

Your inconveniences can even benefit you in the long run. My parents often share stories of their early marriage with me. They had very little money and could only afford the necessities of life. While experiencing these difficulties they did not particularly enjoy it. However, during this time they learned to properly budget, manage, and to stretch their money. As they worked and earned more dough, those skills remained in place. Now, from a modest pay check, we live free from the burdens of financial debt and mortgage free. My family has much more than the bare necessities because my parents know how to manage money. Your discomforts might be an encumbrance now, but as you continue in life, you will benefit because of what you learned during those trials.

Attitude truly is everything. When I hear people say, “I am in a bad mood!” I have no sympathy for them. You determine your mood. You determine your state of mind. Although a plethora of terrible things might happen to you, that does not mean that you automatically switch to “bad mood mode”. Being in a bad mood, or a good mood is a choice. So chose to be in a good mood.

During his speech at the NHS dinner, Mr. Peterson said (and I completely agree with him), “I am confident that each of you will be successful no matter what you decide to do with your lives.” College, the armed forces, a job or whatever you decide to pursue after graduation can and will be a success if you are happy with that decision.

Dictionary.com defines success as a favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors. Success is not obtaining untold riches or winning a Nobel Peace Prize (although those would be nice to have). A wise man once told me, “Success is not based on reaching your goals but remaining optimistic no matter what happens.” I do not mean to say that you will not achieve you goals, but I am saying that life will throw you curve balls and you will strike out. Even the best baseball players strike out. Have faith that you can eventually achieve your goals. The only possible way to fail is when you give up. Go forward with hope and faith that you can achieve you goals. When you happen to fail, remain optimistic because happiness is success.

Make a change

Lately I have heard people say and I have said this myself a few times, “If I die at least I will die having fun.” Or, “I will die happy.” When I asked my parents if I could buy motorcycle, they responded, “You want a murder cycle? Why would you want a murder cycle?” They think that when you drive a motorcycle, you want to die. I agree with them about the fact that more accidents occur when on a motorcycle than when driving a car. Because I would like to have a motorcycle does not mean that I want to die. I still would like to own and drive a motorcycle one day.

Another foolish thing that I have heard a few people say lately is, “When I am thirty, I will hope that I die. I will not kill myself but I would rather die than live after I am thirty.” They think that life will be completely monotonous when they reach that age and would rather die than endure the “torture” of being middle aged. Changes will occur as we grow older. But life would be even more monotonous if no changes occurred. I will admit that I am growing tired of my life as it now is. I am ready for a change I do not want to be middle aged already. I don’t want to die because major changes will be occurring in my life shortly, but I do need an adjustment. My opinion is that we can have just as much fun and joy without dying. I don’t imagine death being fun or enjoyable.

One of my neighbors is a grouchy, older woman. She is not the friendliest person in the world. My dad was trying to change the street name from Smithson Rd to Porter Canyon Rd. He did not want to change the name only because he liked it. He also wanted to change it because there is a Smithson drive in town that causes confusion. My dad had every person on the entire street sign the petition except for this woman. She yelled at him and told him to leave because she felt that there was no need for a change. She was afraid of the change. Don’t be afraid of change. It is alright to be nervous but don’t resist the changes that will occur because you are nervous.

As I said earlier, life would be boring if no changes ever occurred. Make a change!

Trouble

Most of you have most likely already heard this story. So that is just too bad for you. I have a dummy that looks very realistic. Lately, I have put this dummy on people's poaches, next to the road, and in other places where we can see peoples reaction to it.

One night we decided to put this dummy on the Mormon missionaries doorstep. Elder Ammot is a cool guy and is relaxed, but Elder Totten is a little up tight (Elder is a title for missionaries and not their first names). We put it on their apartment poach and knocked. Then we ran around the corner of their apartment where they couldn't see us. Elder Totten came out and said in a very friendly voice, "Hello!” And then he said in a scared voice “Hi?" Then he slammed the door shut and locked it. When doing this prank to other people, we would usually come out and say, “Ha ha! We got you good,” and we would all laugh about it. But this time was different.

I knocked three more times in an attempt to tell them that it was a joke, but they would not open the door. We thought that it would be funny to to make things worse. I put the dummy on the ground and ran it over so that the car's tire was on top of it. Then, I called their phone and told them that I was coming to talk to them and had run some guy over in their driveway. Elder Totten had already called the police, ( a non emergency number) and then he called again to tell them that there was a dead man on their poach.

When they finally came outside, we standing next to the dummy, with the car still on top of it, and we were asking it if it was alright ( it did not respond). James grabbed it's leg and bent it in a way that would be impossible if it actually was a real person. The elders looked at him as if to say, “Do you have no respect for the dead?” but then my laugh gave it away. Ammot asked, “That is not real. Right?” By the time that they had found out that this was a joke, there was already two ambulance, a fire truck, and a several police on their way to the apartment. I was nervously laughing about it when two policemen arrived. James held it up when they arrived. The police officer shined her light into our eyes and immediately grabbed her radio and said in an irritated tone, “It is a joke.” Luckily, I was not arrested. The only harm done was Elder Totten was traumatized and shaking.

Back In My Day

     At one time or another we have all heard someone, usually an older person, say something along the lines of , “Back in my day,” or “When I was young.” A few of my friends made up some “back in my day sayings” of our own. Some of these were, “Back in my day, we didn’t have no stinking computers or televisions. We would read markings on the rocks for entertainment.” “Back in my day there wasn’t no such thing as music. Instead, I was too busy listening to the sound of our crying after I got a good beating.” “Back in my day we would walk thirty miles to the bus stop at two o’clock in the morning so that we could go to school. Did I mention that this walk is uphill both ways?I was grateful for my schooling. I did not complain about no homework. I did my homework, made breakfast, tended the sheep, and sowed my trousers while I walked the thirty miles. If I was crying, I actually had a reason.” We made hundreds of these jokes that made us laugh so hard that we cried. We do not completely doubt the words of our elders, but we realize that they are experts in the art of sarcasm.

     I feel bad for the people who live in the past. The highlight of their lives was high school. I am not saying that I have not enjoyed High school, but I am saying that I expect my life to improve. Don't think that your life is over after graduation. I pity people who graduate and then decide to stay in Holbrook for the rest of their lives without furthering their education and living with their parents until they are thirty. Make something of yourself.

     I heard someone say that once you graduate, you become a guest in your parents house. It is alright to visit for a few weeks but don't depend on them to support you. Don't be the person who teenagers laugh at because you live in the past. Live right now.

Switchbacks

After backpacking in New Mexico for two weeks, the last day on the trail had finally come. Not only was this the last day, but it was also the worst day of my existence. Only fifteen miles stood between us and the end of our savage mountain man lives. I smelled like a rancid mess but had become numb to my own odor. We began to hike with no problems and no worries. We hiked up a side trail to the top of an ginormous rock known as the tooth of time. The top of this rock was the breeding grounds for thousands and maybe millions of lady bugs. Rex Self grabbed and handful of these bugs and was about to put them on James who is terrified of insects. James hit his hand from underneath, and Rex happened to have his mouth wide open. His mouth was filled with these bugs, that were covered in reproductive... juices.

After returning to the trail we found that we had come to switchbacks. Switchbacks are trails that are too steep to walk strait up or down so you are forced to walk back and forth down the trail so that the angle of decent or accent is greatly decreased. Although the trail is not nearly as steep, the length that you are required to walk is doubled. We could see our destination for the entire fifteen miles, but we were forced to stay on the trail and walk left, then right, and then back right.

As much as I hated the switchbacks, I knew that they were there for my own good. If I had chosen to disregard the trail and walk strait down the mountain, it more than likely would have resulted in someone falling, a broken ankle or another injury. Many rules that we encounter may seem ridiculous and without purpose, but they are for our own good and protection. All rules and guidelines are created because someone, somewhere was hurt. For example, I used to think that the rule ,”No running next to the pool,” was ridiculous until I witnessed someone fall and get a big booboo. As I said, all rules are made because someone got hurt.

My advice to you is obey the rules. If you are having trouble accepting a rule or guideline, think about why that rule was put in place. In this case, please don't “break a leg”.

Simple Stupid Fun

Is money really a requirement for fun? Absolutely not! Some of the best times of my life were 100% free. Take this picture for instance. The can of shaving cream cost one dollar. Yet, one dollar provided us with hours of fun. And honestly, it was not the shaving creme that was so much fun. It was each others presence that we enjoyed so much. The best memories are made when we are with our loved ones. Often times, I catch myself complaining that my life in mundane or boring. But I could easily solve this problem by getting off my butt and spending some time with my family and friends.

D. Uchtdorf said, “...love is really spelled T-I-M-E.” How true is this? We show our love best by spending time with each other. So I am going to cut this weeks blog short and go spend some time with my family. I suggest that you do the same.